Relationship In Love

Abraham Maslow’s Needs Hierarchy, is a theory in psychology. According to this theory, the needs of human being are predetermined in order of importance, often depicted as a pyramid consisting of five levels. According to the priority, these needs are Physiological needs, Safety needs, Social needs, Esteem needs and Self-actualization needs. As each of the basic needs becomes substantially satisfied, the next need becomes dominant.
Most of the time, this framework of Needs Hierarchy is adopted by various organizations in their human resource management process, in order to help analyze individual motivation. However, it can be very interesting to adapt the theory in analyzing other things, such as love.
When adapting this theory to analyze motivation in relationships, the satisfaction of needs process in the completely opposite way, which is degenerating from the highest level towards the basic one.
First of all, self-actualization needs are the predominant needs that should be satisfied. Find some one you really love is like the drive to become what one is capable of becoming. It includes many aspects such as individual growth, achieving one’s potential and self-fulfillment. So, before a relationship starts, most of the time, majority people are extremely particular about picking the right one and always make big fuss about what is going on. The process of one pursuiting the other could be as complicated as an art.
Then, two people in love determine to be together. Everything tend to be perfect at the very beginning of any relationship in love. Most people like to describe their other half as the perfect match at this phrase. However, after a while, there tend to be a decisive turn for the worse. At first, people could still manage to maintain the basic respect and politeness with each other. They will try to adapt themselves to be with each other. They still have self-respect, autonomy, recognition and attention to some extend. They won’t intervene each other’s life too much and expect to be respect in personal life in return. So people still have their esteem needs.
When there is no distinction between “you” and “me” in the life together, the boundaries between two individuals vague. Once there is a classic joke, that a husband tell his wife that he is shaving off “their” beard. People tend to have obsession with dominating their relationship in love. At this time, independence and privacy are somewhat like luxuries. Being together has turned into a custom, that doesn’t make much sense. The Chinese writer Ailing Zhang once criticize on this state of life as “no need of cosmetics when facing each other, no need of dress-ups when staying at home, no need of closing the door when going to toilet”. When people begin to relax down in a relationship, there is no sense of beauty at all. As a result, the easteem needs completely fade away.
However, people can still satisfy their needs for affection. They can at least find a sence of belonging and acceptance in a love relationship. And life goes on. Nothing is fresh.
Then, still being together is as a result of being afraid of changing, being afraid of getting harm emotionally, or even physically. People still have their needs for safety in different aspect of life.
If the situation keep getting worse, the last physiological needs—sex, becomes the last link between two. There is no lack of couples who hide different intentions behind the semblance of accord. But, to make things worse, it’s very easy to find all kinds of substitutes to meet the most basic needs. Then, betrayal, adultery, clandestine love affair, cheatting, all make up and go on the stage.